Brett Maline

Man. Myth. Wearer of things.

Written by my buddy Steve, who's in a band and needed something to do in the van.

Brett Maline, also known as the Great White Baboon, is no stranger to comedy. Since the dawn of time, he has been entertaining audiences around the globe with his uncanny wit, comedic prowess, and vast knowledge of the movie Jaws. A lover of all things deep fried, Brett won the Deep Fried Butter Decathlon for the Minden Games in Minden, Nebraska for 28 years in a row ( 1986-2014 ). A former, lesser-known member of The Beatles, Brett decided early into his twenties to found a foundation for found things, brilliantly named The Found, Not Free, Foundation of Found Things. Fueled by the success of this ridiculously successful venture, Maline became the first man to take a dump on the dark side of the moon.

A fluent linguist in 14 languages, including 7 quote unquote, dead ones, Brett Maline lives his very life by the motto, "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit." Which due to its ancient roots, has no solid contemporary translation, but yet best describes what we all fear and feel the most - an outstanding desire to create lives full of passion, trees, deep fried pickles, and cardboard cutouts of popular Marvel characters. Whether he is on stage, on screen, or living on the street, Brett Maline's incomparable prowess in the arts and crafts department at Hobby Lobby will leave you stunned, sexually frustrated, surprised, and crying tears of joy. This man is legend.

Full biography available here.


Photo Cred: Trolled From Facebook.